Yuletide Greetings

It is December 17 already, Christmas is a week away almost less than a week away. And can I just say, I am still sort of dreading the holidays.

Because of reasons.

My family though is all excited about the holidays which leaves me as the odd one out. As well as emotional turbulence, I'm still not done my Christmas shopping, which eats away at me nightly--that's the thing about getting older, you're more worried about buying presents than Santa. I hate leaving things till last minute though.

I haven't really been looking forward to the holidays that much, to be honest with you, all the rush of gifts and perfect presents. It makes my head spin.  As well the holidays are a time to look back on what you've accomplished this past year. For me, I never seem to accomplish enough to make myself happy.

As some of you may know I had surgery back in June a couple days after my birthday and then because of the surgery I took some time off of school. Because I took time off school I didn't get to accomplish as much as I wanted to in that area of my life. But there was simply no way I could have went to school with the amount of pain I was in. Which I get, but still hate. Being isolated from the surgery and home most of the time has been hard, yet it is harder still, having my family around... constantly now that the holidays are here. I love my family but they are not always the easiest to get along with and sometimes they make my head spin.

My mom, my brother, and my sister are looking forward to the holidays while I have just been hoping to survive it. But as the clock ticks on, I find that I'm slowly able to feel some excitement in regards to this holiday. After reading more about this holiday, as in tracing back it's origins, I've found many stories about this season which have given me a greater understanding of where this holiday came from. And no, I'm not talking about the generally accepted version of saviors being born on Christmas in a barn.

The thing about this time of year is that it makes a lot of people sad, myself included, ever since December 12 2011. Christmas has never been the same since that date for my family and I.
Yet, something I read about this time of year on Tumblr has stayed with me about what this time of year is all about.

Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark on a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour. - John Boswell

After reading that I've felt more at peace with this time of year and found myself able to concentrate on this holiday season with more of an open mind. And that is why it is something I wanted to share on this blog.

Did you know the origin of this holiday was to mark the longest nights of winter and to signify that winter is slowly abating. Of course, this is if you trace the roots of the holiday backwards in time. The generally accepted meaning today is much different than what it was a couple hundred years ago. Though the same themes carry through.

This is the time of year when we come together with family and friends to feast and celebrate, we mark the fact that winter is almost over, that the darkness is ending. This holiday, like all of them, connects us to our past and to the people that have lived here before us.

And to me, that is something pretty incredible. So dear followers I wish you all well in this upcoming holiday season.

First Time Out After Surgery

I was asked to babysit. 

I needed Christmas money, and frankly, I’m bored of being at home, so I said yes. 

I had nothing better to do, anyways I’ve always gotten along with kids but still I was extremely nervous.  

It was so much more nerve racking than it should have been but that does actually make sense all things considered. It’s the first time I’ve been responsible for another child-human being since way before my surgery. 

I was sore. But I went.

Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. But holy TARDISMOTHER I survived! It was also fun and rewarding. It was hilarious at some points. We ended up in a giant fantasy battle, fighting against Milo the cat. Oh my god the imagination of a 9 year old boy. 

The only sucky part was, beside hurting a lot afterwards, was this following sentence. 

"…Well she’s younger than you, I guess *laughs* anyways, she’s off to university so that’s why we need a new babysitter." 

Sigh. I should be off at university not doing this…again….

I know…I know…when a human is given a list of five great things about themselves and one negative thing, they will focus on the negative. I know this. I`m purposely not thinking about it for that reason. But still it sucked. But that’s okay. I think I’ve come a long way in accepting myself as is. Sure, I could be like other people my age, but who wants to fit into the norm anyways. 

Still…those thoughts sneak up on you sometimes…

'If I was just a little different…if my wrists were just normal, if I could have finished high school when I was supposed to…if I was not disabled…if my dad had not done what he had done…ect…' Those thoughts are gone though. 

I’ve banished them and am left with this glow—it’s a sort of emotion similar to happiness actually. 

First big time out after a surgery and nothing horrible happened. 

I’m doing my mental happy dance right now. 

Which looks a lot like this 

Halloween Celebrations

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is probably one of the most fascinating holidays in my opinion (as well as one of the best); it's known by many different names, some are All Hallows Eve, All Saints Eve, and/or Samhain.


Beliefs regarding this day range in diversity and have changed drastically over the years. But all traditions carry the basic theme that during this night the veil between the world of the living and the world of the dead are thin, which with some beliefs, enables those that have passed on to the world of the dead, to come back on this night--usually for about three days, the day before Halloween, Halloween, and the day after.


Some countries light candles and place them on a window sill to guide spirits of loved ones home, others leave food on the porch for any hungry spirits, and one story I've heard stated that towns, people will gather with torches (the light attracts the spirits) and they will march with the spirits out of town. The draw back 'the veil thinning' is that evil spirits can cross into our world too. And that is where the carving of pumpkins and turnips, and dressing up comes into play. It is believed that dressing up as something 'supernatural' can hide you from evil spirits or that dressing up or --'gusiing' as it was once called-- scares them away. As said, the beliefs on this differ widely, and some of the more fascinating stories come from older traditions. The most common thing to do is crave!! Whether it is apples (to tell your future), or pumpkins and/or turnips (to scare away evil spirits), carving is one thing that all celebrations tend to include. Including our modern traditions. Even though our modern traditions have changed over time.



Anyways, whatever your traditions and/or religious beliefs, and whether or not you buy into any of these out-there beliefs and traditions I hope you have an awesome, safe Halloween night, eating candy, trick-or-treating, and "using humor and ridicule to confront the power of death."