First Time Out After Surgery

I was asked to babysit. 

I needed Christmas money, and frankly, I’m bored of being at home, so I said yes. 

I had nothing better to do, anyways I’ve always gotten along with kids but still I was extremely nervous.  

It was so much more nerve racking than it should have been but that does actually make sense all things considered. It’s the first time I’ve been responsible for another child-human being since way before my surgery. 

I was sore. But I went.

Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. But holy TARDISMOTHER I survived! It was also fun and rewarding. It was hilarious at some points. We ended up in a giant fantasy battle, fighting against Milo the cat. Oh my god the imagination of a 9 year old boy. 

The only sucky part was, beside hurting a lot afterwards, was this following sentence. 

"…Well she’s younger than you, I guess *laughs* anyways, she’s off to university so that’s why we need a new babysitter." 

Sigh. I should be off at university not doing this…again….

I know…I know…when a human is given a list of five great things about themselves and one negative thing, they will focus on the negative. I know this. I`m purposely not thinking about it for that reason. But still it sucked. But that’s okay. I think I’ve come a long way in accepting myself as is. Sure, I could be like other people my age, but who wants to fit into the norm anyways. 

Still…those thoughts sneak up on you sometimes…

'If I was just a little different…if my wrists were just normal, if I could have finished high school when I was supposed to…if I was not disabled…if my dad had not done what he had done…ect…' Those thoughts are gone though. 

I’ve banished them and am left with this glow—it’s a sort of emotion similar to happiness actually. 

First big time out after a surgery and nothing horrible happened. 

I’m doing my mental happy dance right now. 

Which looks a lot like this 

Putting Life In Focus

Putting Life In Focus 

I think in life everyone will go through something that challenges them and changes them. It can be failing health or it can be abuse--the death of a loved one or a figurative loss of someone. 

In my life I've both been lucky and unlucky in what I've had to deal with and in what I've had to endure. The same thing could be said about many people; what matters is how you look at it. The thing is, I believe that you can get through something impossible and move from 'surviving' life to 'thriving' in life. 

I believe that no matter who you are, what mistakes you've made, what you've been through, and where you currently are; you can change your life for the better. You can live the life you always envisioned for yourself and be the person you've always wanted to be, as long as you don't give up on yourself. And you commit to goals, and do the work. I believe you can do anything.

Every once in a while I think people forget about this though. I know I do--I get caught in old habits that won't die, because I don't know how to let them go. Sometimes fear runs rampant and war rages inside me. 

The truth is life hasn't always been easy. It never is, and isn't supposed to be, I guess. 

There were times I wasn't always certain I would live to be 20--never mind go to college. I've had many health problems, many family problems...I've survived though. The thing is, now that that time for only 'survival' has passed I have to learn to live again. 

Figuring out how to move on from a place so dark and isolated is hard, but possible. 

I think the trick is finding your passion and going for it--not holding back, throwing caution to the wind as it were. 

You have to believe in yourself and in life. 

The Steps You Need To Take in order to live the life you want are relatively simple I think:

• Figure out WHO you want to be 
• Figure out HOW you can get there
• SET GOALS
• And WORK for them

This is something I think more people should do. I set goals as much as I can--whenever I remember I do this. Life can get crazy and sometimes which is why goals are important.

My Current Monthly Goals 

• Work on combating anxiety and fear 
• Vegetarianism: Enhance overall health, by finding new V-friendly recipes that are inexpensive, healthy and easy to make
• Continue to rewrite and edit my book
• Continue going to the gym--even though surgery is looming overhead and things seem gloomy and it all scares me--I won't let the fear and sadness of another surgery hold me back
• Step out of my comfort zone and do the things that scare me (within reason of course) 

So, to bring this post to a quiet close I would like to know what your monthly goals are? Or what your dreams are? Who do you want to be? 

Post in the comments below or at the very least start thinking about what you want to do and who you want to be.