Wednesday, November 12, 2014

First Time Out After Surgery

I was asked to babysit. 
I needed Christmas money, and frankly, I’m bored of being at home, so I said yes. 
I had nothing better to do, anyways I’ve always gotten along with kids but still I was extremely nervous.  

It was so much more nerve racking than it should have been but that does actually make sense all things considered. It’s the first time I’ve been responsible for another child-human being since way before my surgery. 

I was sore. But I went.

Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. But holy TARDISMOTHER I survived! It was also fun and rewarding. It was hilarious at some points. We ended up in a giant fantasy battle, fighting against Milo the cat. Oh my god the imagination of a 9 year old boy. 

The only sucky part was, beside hurting a lot afterwards, was this following sentence. 

"…Well she’s younger than you, I guess *laughs* anyways, she’s off to university so that’s why we need a new babysitter." 

Sigh. I should be off at university not doing this…again….

I know…I know…when a human is given a list of five great things about themselves and one negative thing, they will focus on the negative. I know this. I`m purposely not thinking about it for that reason. But still it sucked. But that’s okay. I think I’ve come a long way in accepting myself as is. Sure, I could be like other people my age, but who wants to fit into the norm anyways. 

Still…those thoughts sneak up on you sometimes…

'If I was just a little different…if my wrists were just normal, if I could have finished high school when I was supposed to…if I was not disabled…if my dad had not done what he had done…ect…' Those thoughts are gone though. 

I’ve banished them and am left with this glow—it’s a sort of emotion similar to happiness actually. 

First big time out after a surgery and nothing horrible happened. 

I’m doing my mental happy dance right now. 

Which looks a lot like this 

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