Yuletide Greetings

It is December 17 already, Christmas is a week away almost less than a week away. And can I just say, I am still sort of dreading the holidays.

Because of reasons.

My family though is all excited about the holidays which leaves me as the odd one out. As well as emotional turbulence, I'm still not done my Christmas shopping, which eats away at me nightly--that's the thing about getting older, you're more worried about buying presents than Santa. I hate leaving things till last minute though.

I haven't really been looking forward to the holidays that much, to be honest with you, all the rush of gifts and perfect presents. It makes my head spin.  As well the holidays are a time to look back on what you've accomplished this past year. For me, I never seem to accomplish enough to make myself happy.

As some of you may know I had surgery back in June a couple days after my birthday and then because of the surgery I took some time off of school. Because I took time off school I didn't get to accomplish as much as I wanted to in that area of my life. But there was simply no way I could have went to school with the amount of pain I was in. Which I get, but still hate. Being isolated from the surgery and home most of the time has been hard, yet it is harder still, having my family around... constantly now that the holidays are here. I love my family but they are not always the easiest to get along with and sometimes they make my head spin.

My mom, my brother, and my sister are looking forward to the holidays while I have just been hoping to survive it. But as the clock ticks on, I find that I'm slowly able to feel some excitement in regards to this holiday. After reading more about this holiday, as in tracing back it's origins, I've found many stories about this season which have given me a greater understanding of where this holiday came from. And no, I'm not talking about the generally accepted version of saviors being born on Christmas in a barn.

The thing about this time of year is that it makes a lot of people sad, myself included, ever since December 12 2011. Christmas has never been the same since that date for my family and I.
Yet, something I read about this time of year on Tumblr has stayed with me about what this time of year is all about.

Winter, a lingering season, is a time to gather golden moments, embark on a sentimental journey, and enjoy every idle hour. - John Boswell

After reading that I've felt more at peace with this time of year and found myself able to concentrate on this holiday season with more of an open mind. And that is why it is something I wanted to share on this blog.

Did you know the origin of this holiday was to mark the longest nights of winter and to signify that winter is slowly abating. Of course, this is if you trace the roots of the holiday backwards in time. The generally accepted meaning today is much different than what it was a couple hundred years ago. Though the same themes carry through.

This is the time of year when we come together with family and friends to feast and celebrate, we mark the fact that winter is almost over, that the darkness is ending. This holiday, like all of them, connects us to our past and to the people that have lived here before us.

And to me, that is something pretty incredible. So dear followers I wish you all well in this upcoming holiday season.

First Time Out After Surgery

I was asked to babysit. 

I needed Christmas money, and frankly, I’m bored of being at home, so I said yes. 

I had nothing better to do, anyways I’ve always gotten along with kids but still I was extremely nervous.  

It was so much more nerve racking than it should have been but that does actually make sense all things considered. It’s the first time I’ve been responsible for another child-human being since way before my surgery. 

I was sore. But I went.

Don’t get me wrong, it was hard. But holy TARDISMOTHER I survived! It was also fun and rewarding. It was hilarious at some points. We ended up in a giant fantasy battle, fighting against Milo the cat. Oh my god the imagination of a 9 year old boy. 

The only sucky part was, beside hurting a lot afterwards, was this following sentence. 

"…Well she’s younger than you, I guess *laughs* anyways, she’s off to university so that’s why we need a new babysitter." 

Sigh. I should be off at university not doing this…again….

I know…I know…when a human is given a list of five great things about themselves and one negative thing, they will focus on the negative. I know this. I`m purposely not thinking about it for that reason. But still it sucked. But that’s okay. I think I’ve come a long way in accepting myself as is. Sure, I could be like other people my age, but who wants to fit into the norm anyways. 

Still…those thoughts sneak up on you sometimes…

'If I was just a little different…if my wrists were just normal, if I could have finished high school when I was supposed to…if I was not disabled…if my dad had not done what he had done…ect…' Those thoughts are gone though. 

I’ve banished them and am left with this glow—it’s a sort of emotion similar to happiness actually. 

First big time out after a surgery and nothing horrible happened. 

I’m doing my mental happy dance right now. 

Which looks a lot like this 

NaNoWriMo Week One

I've had a couple rough starts this past week in regards to NaNoWriMo but the last three days of week one actually turned out to be --really-- surprisingly amazing. Though life is really rough lately, my writing, has been better than it has in a long time.

My novel is really moving well, which is a nice surprise considering pacing and plotting have never been my strong suit.

I've reached this point where when I sit down to write I'm desperate to. I'm excited to start and it doesn't take me that long to really get going. My writing has reached a nice synchronicity and I've achieved a perfect flow. The story is working. The characters are working. And I'm learning more about this world and these characters the deeper I get. There is honestly nothing like that feeling you get when your story is coming together *nearly* seamlessly. The only strange thing is that this story is turning out to be something I didn't plan it to be...it's better than I expected.

And I'll be honest, I'm pretty damn proud of the fact that I've not only reached my words/per day goal but that I've actually surpassed it. So hells yeah. I rock.

In love with words, forever.

I just love words.
Words.
Even a single, separate word can an incredible amount of power.
I invite you to think on that for a little while.

Strength.

Weak.

Pain.

Pleasure.

Desolation.

Family.

Judgement. 

Even the word 'okay' has a special place in the heart of every fan of The Fault In Our Stars.

I love the way words are seemingly insignificant, small things that can have the power to completely overturn the world--and change it.

I love stories because of this reason--stories about witches and vampires, hunters or demons. Stories of failure, destruction, loosing, winning and strength. Stories that examine moral values and challenge us to think and grow and change. Stories are amazing.

They all have something they can teach. I've come to the conclusion that I don't really like 'reviewing' books, because I believe that if you don't understand the book, or get it, than it wasn't meant for you to understand. And then somewhere along the line you find a book you don't love or one that doesn't strike you as all-important, yet to someone else that book can be the one thing that convinces them to keep going or fight for what they want.

Writing is such a beautiful art that so few people understand. And some stories are just so real, it's incredible they're labeled as fiction, even though logic tells you that witches, wizards, demons, vampires, dhampirs, and mockingjays aren't really real.

The wonder of a book

Now this is going to be a different post.
No book review or cover reveal, just a little discussion on some of my thoughts regarding reading.

We all read for some reason, some people only read because they have to, (suckers) but those of us who read because we love it know a secret about reading.

Reading is the greatest form of magic, at least one of them, we can open a book and we can find the secrets of life, and love, and hate, and death within them.

We read to know that we are not alone, I think it was Mark Twain that said that.

I'm struck over and over again of how true this is, though at first hearing this, I didn't understand it. But I do now, when we read certain books we can suddenly be validated. Something we have always felt is felt by another, even if it is just a character in a book, but I think we all know that characters can be more real than celebrities sometimes.

The whole idea of this blog is to share what I love about different books, I think I'm pretty good at finding one thing in every book that I like, of course that doesn't always happen, sometimes the books are just not good and I don't like them.

I'm always struck by how books--stories--fictional characters can last forever in our hearts and minds--which is why this blog is named as it is. Supernovawords. Words that seem to last throughout history.

Did you know that when you look up at night sky some of the stars you are looking at have already died. There light took so long to reach us, that while their light was traveling, they died. Books--good books contain messages and lessons, they may take a long time to reach us, but they do eventually reach us.

A supernova can outshine entire galaxies and radiate more energy than our sun will in its entire lifetime, can you grasp the magnitude of that? And yet its possible that light from it, will take a long time to reach us, by the time we see it, the star could be dead.

Some writers embody that idea, of light shining from the past to meet us, sometimes writing lasts a more than a century. A Supernova writer from our day would be J.K. Rowling, no surprises there. Her stories will last as close to forever as they can get.

I think the true beauty of books lies inside them, you know the entire 'It's bigger on the inside' idea from Doctor Who? Well that is kind of the way books are. They can contain so much more than what they seem to be about. People who tell me that reading is a waste time will never be able to understand why they are so wrong. The amazing thing about books is that can teach you so much, despite the fact that they may be about something ludicrous.
I want to hear about the books that come to mind when you think about this idea that books that are 'bigger on the inside', that they are so much more than what they mean at face value. Leave a comment below. I always want to hear about those really good books that mean so much more to you than the others.